Identity Crisis

Today I'm having an identity crisis.  I'm sure it stems from my "big" appointment yesterday and the whirlwind which will be my life for at least the next week.  Let me explain what I mean.

Up until two months ago, my biggest worry was making sure I didn't miss a morning boot camp and ruin my streak.  I literally worked my life around that one thing.  Now here I am dealing with all of these decisions and traumatic changes, but still trying to have a normal life.  It's so bizarre.  I don't feel different.

When I was at the Cancer Partnership yesterday for my appointment, it was a big eye opener for me.  That place was packed!  I could not believe how many people were there checking in for treatment, checking out for treatment, or waiting to see a doctor.  There was literally no place to sit and it was depressing.  I hate to say that, but some of those people looked so sick and I really thought " I do not belong here.  I'm not sick like these people".  Newsflash!!!!  Yes I am.  What-ever!  I do not want to be that person and that is a tough thing to digest. 

Of course every time I go to the doctor I end up learning something new and scary, which doesn't help.  Yesterday the lovely tidbits of info I got included the fact that I may lose my fingernails and toenails, and that with my type of cancer (lobular carcinoma), I actually have a higher risk of developing cancer in the other breast.  Awesome news! (In case you aren't sure, I'm totally being sarcastic).  So here I am today, going on with my normal life, when every once in a while it hits me.  Holy Sh**...next week at this time I'll have a hole in my chest and will be full of insane chemicals destroying every fast growing cell in my body.  Nice!

Alas, that other little part of my brain takes over and says "put on your glittery pink Tom's and suck it up!  You've had your moment, now move on!".  And so I am.  I refuse to let this blog be about all of the depressing aspects of this side trip I call cancer, but allow me my moments.  The objective now is to "handle it with grace" (thank you Debbi Grieser-you are so right) and to hopefully learn something along the way.  If I'm lucky, I'll educate someone else while I'm at it. 

I'm leaving you with an awesome video to watch...it made me smile.  Holiday Flash Mob